Thursday, June 30, 2011

What Co-Habitation taught me about Marriage

This post has nothing to do with cinnamon rolls, but we did make them because we were living together and both temporarily unemployed.

About a year ago when I was 22 and extremely wise, I told Aaron that there was no way we were going to live together before we got married.

While many people may like to think that was because I didn't think it was right for people in love to live together before tying the knot, it was actually for a different reason: I thought theonly thing that was special about marriage was that you get to move in together! I figured once you live together you're basically married, but without the party.

Anyway, I was afraid to lose that one special aspect and Aaron obliged. Of course, my life took many twists and turns right after we got engaged and I was faced with two options: 1) move in with my parents; or 2) I move in with Aaron.

As you would expect, all of my fears about losing "marriage specialness" were quickly overcome by fears of living with my parents, so Aaron and I picked out an apartment.

I was definitely worried about how this would effect our relationship, but it only took a few months for me to realize something important: getting married is way huger than moving in together.

Living together as fiance and fiancee is like having a fun roommate who is conveniently around for all wedding planning decisions, but it's pretty similar to when we were dating (except we have to save all of our money for favors and flowers). We are still legally single. I still have a fear that maybe we'll break up after every fight. Even though we know we are going to, we haven't made a lifetime commitment yet.

One positive aspect is we have had a chance to go through all of the little adjustments that living together brings. We have learned each others sleeping, eating, and farting habits (something I am happy to have out of the way before our wedding). It means we can spend the first year of our wedding adjusting to just being married, without all of the new roommate strangeness.

My vision of what makes getting and being married special has changed dramatically this year and I'm surprised to say I'm happy I didn't get my way.

No comments:

Post a Comment